Prayer at the Heart of Family Life

To say that 2020 has upset our lives would be the understatement of the century. I have yet to speak with anyone who has been unaffected by the current pandemic. While we have all been experiencing different things, most of us figure out how to overcome the issues that arise only to find new ones on the other side. Many families (mine included) have had to learn to let good enough be good enough, relaxing our expectations, and communicate better. As we look to enter August, this upside-down world doesn’t seem to be going anywhere and my heart is feeling a tug from the Lord for more personal and family prayer.

Pope Benedict XVI said, “ It is in the family that children, from the most tender age, can learn to perceive the meaning of God, also thanks to the teaching and example of their parents: to live in an atmosphere marked by God’s presence.”

A Simple Start

Most of my own experiences of prayer come from growing up in a family that prayed together. While no two families are the same, we have a myriad of ways to pray given to us by the church. If you’re a family of two or twelve, God desires to bless your family and bring peace to your house. Praying as a family can seem like a daunting task: from finding a time where everyone is available, to preparing to be ready to pray and having a place to pray. It takes intentionality and energy but it’s worth fighting for.

Many families choose to pray at night. Some include it with dinner, while others do it after dinner but before dessert. (Are we above bribery? You decide!) After dinner prayer can be as simple as going around and allowing every family member to offer a prayer intention on behalf of someone else and a thanksgiving of some way in which they felt God blessed them that day. This can provide a window into their worlds; especially in the case of teenagers who may be keeping to themselves more. This also helps train our children to be on the lookout for God’s blessings and to share them with others.

Although mornings can be bananas and it’s not always easy to accomplish, Morning Prayer is a perfect way to start the day and helps all family members to continue thinking of God throughout the day. It can be as simple as finding a corner of your house where you have an altar set up (maybe just an image of Christ, a crucifix or where you keep your bible) and taking a minute to gather with your family and say a morning offering and maybe another prayer or two, before going your separate ways. Some families do this during breakfast where one parent will lead prayer while everyone else is eating. Maybe you read a bible story, the Gospel reading for mass that day, or ask God to come be a part of your day and have each person give an intention where they need God’s help that day. Some families light candles before praying together and give that task to whoever shows up to prayer time first or rotates through the children depending on the day.

Driving to school (remember when that happened?) is a great time to pray the Morning offering together. My mom used to look up the Pope’s intentions (they rotate every month) and we would pray for the Pope and whatever he was praying for that month.

I know some families who print prayers and tape them to the bathroom mirror. What a great way to be reminded to pray! (Also a laminated copy of my sister’s favorite prayer did make it duct-taped to our shower wall for a season. Maybe consider hiding the duct tape.)

Diving into Devotion

Some families choose to participate in devotional prayers—rosaries, chaplets, novenas. Try not to start with too much where it will become overwhelming. Others choose the Evening Prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours, the universal daily prayer of the Church. It is a very interactive and engaging prayer, that has the same structure but the words change daily. (This means no Hail Mary-ing on autopilot.) It can keep your family in sync with the liturgical calendar and it is planned out for you every day! Fr. Sean and Fr. Vincent pray this same prayer every evening, which is an incredible connection to CtR at this time when we feel far. In fact, with the Liturgy of the Hours, the whole Catholic church all over the world is praying the same prayer.

If you have enough readers in your family they can actively participate and you can divide your family into two “choirs” (usually Dad plus boys and Mom plus girls or whatever variation works). Using an app called iBreviary, family members take turns leading the antiphons and other responses. There are even videos on YouTube showing you “how to pray the Liturgy of the Hours” if you haven’t before, making something that seems complex very approachable.
If your family is smaller or you have little ones, shorten Evening Prayer by choosing only a few sections. Even preschoolers can join in with the repeated parts, parroting back the antiphons or reciting the Glory Be at the end of each section.

The Fruit that Endures

Family prayer will look different based on the season of life your family is in and will need to change over time. It requires thought and energy; sometimes more than you think you can muster at the end of a long day. It demands patience as you wrangle fussy babies and busy toddlers and try to find even a moment of peace and calm to pray as a family. It will be messy and success may need to be redefined but as John Paul II says in his encyclical Familiaris Consortio, “Only by praying together with their children can a father and mother- exercising their royal priesthood- penetrate the innermost depths of their children’s hearts and leave an impression that the future events in their lives will not be able to efface.” We are training our children and showing them how to have a relationship with God by speaking to him every day. We learn from each other and grow closer as a family.

Whatever your situation, choose prayer. Start with five minutes together. I urge you not to make the mistake of doing nothing out of complacency or sheer exhaustion. Prayer will always bear fruit in our families in unexpected ways, and who couldn’t use some extra Fruits of the Spirit right now? God has something for your family - let's ask Him for it.